The Vine News

Q: Surrounded and lonely asks: I feel lonely even in the church. What should I do? I am not a person who takes the first step in getting to know others because I am shy.

A: Whose fault is it that you feel lonely in church? Who is ultimately responsible for your feelings of loneliness? You may have heard the cliché, “If you want something different to happen, do something different.” To come out of your shell, you have to come out of your shell. Since you say your battle is with shyness and not depression or sadness, one of the easiest ways to find people with similar interests is to join a club or auxiliary. When you attend the first meeting, sit at a table where others are sitting. Take the first step and let me know how it goes.

Q: Defining commitment asks: I am dating a married man who is separated from his wife, what’s wrong with that?

A: Let’s see …where do I start? He’s still married! If he does not place much importance on his current covenant; what leads you to think he will think any more of a relationship with you? Also, many counselors and psychologists will advise a one-year hiatus between relationships, especially those relationships that lasted more than a year or two. The hiatus between relationships allows time for healing and preparation. I know someone who needed more than a year! Three years into her current relationship, she was still making the mistake of calling her previous husband’s name. Start guarding yourself and your heart more carefully.

The opinions and views provided in Sargent Says, are not intended as psychological, spiritual or therapeutic advice.  Opinions contained herein are those of the writer, and not to be used as a substitute for medical attention, diagnosis, treatment, or other professional mental health or medical services, or as legal, parental, spiritual, health, or mental health advice.

Beverly Sargent, NCC, LGPC, is a licensed pastoral therapist and founder of A Servant’s Heart Ministries, offering counseling services for pastors and their families, teens and adults.