The Vine News

To Heath and Bernadette Wiggins, marriage is an obstacle course, played out in the everyday challenges of life.

The founders of the Family Bootcamp – relationship training program that starts and ends with trips through an outdoor obstacle course – are helping singles, engaged couples, married couples, families and even church groups find ways to work through their obstacles in life as a team.

Unlike traditional counseling – which the founders say deal with specific areas of conflict, and can sometimes devolve into a mediation session between prize fighters –bootcamp has a way of giving the family and the facilitators a glimpse into how families deal with every day challenges.

The secret ingredient, Bernadette Wiggins said, is in the ropes, logs, dirt and blindfolds.

“When you go to the clinical counseling session, you have certain things you want to talk about. When [couples] get on the obstacle course real life just comes out,” she said. “I think the actual physical part makes it more real. It relates to what they’re doing at home. Instead of getting the kids ready for school, they’re just going through the obstacle course.”

The Family Bootcamp is a series of relationship training programs designed for people in various stages of relationships. The programs, some offered as 4-week curriculum-based courses and others as half-or whole-day workshops, are designed to help individuals gain insight into themselves and the other members of their family, and how they interact.

The courses start with a trip to the obstacle course. The Wiggins have six of them – four low-element courses that are low-risk and two high-element ropes courses with safety harnesses – built on their 14-acre wooded property in Bowie, MD.

Couples complete the course together, with one of the members guiding the other who is blindfolded. Through the process, families can learn better trust, how to best communicate, and what one person may need from the other.

While it is not counseling in the traditional sense, the Wiggins do use practical, Biblical guidance to present solutions to conflicts, and tips for creating better dialogue and resolving conflicts. They also help give individuals insight into their needs and limitations, and help them identify what they can and cannot live with in another person.

Sari Caldwell of Silver Spring, MD attended the 4-week Bootcamp for engaged couples about two years ago, and made a discovery that changed her life.

“I decided not to get married because of the bootcamp and I’m very, very happy that I did not,” she said. “At the time I was broken hearted because I wanted it to be the right man.”

Caldwell said the decision was not immediate, but the beginning of a process that opened her eyes about the relationship she was in.

“The very first time we met with [the Wiggins] they opened the word of God and went to First Corinthians and read what the Bible describes as love. And they explained while most people think it’s very passive, [love] is an action, it’s a decision and these are the things you need to see when someone is saying they love you.”

Caldwell said what she heard and saw in her relationship were two different things.

“It was a process it was like, he's telling you he loves you, but look at this. And look at this. He's not displaying love to you at all, in fact its selfish behavior,” she said. “At the time I was just very much caught up, and had I gone through with it I'd probably be a very miserable person right now. But I'm not, and guess what? I'm actually engaged again, and getting ready to go back [to bootcamp].”

That kind of self-realization is what the Wiggins love to hear.

“The Bootcamp does show you what to do and how to, and those really are two separate things,” Heath Wiggins said. “We're a training business, not a counseling [service]. We take you, wherever you are personally, and we identify the things about you, your situation, or relationship, and identify the things that need to change, be modified, or eliminated to get you to where you want to be. And we show you the next step you need to take -- some action items to arrive there or move to that process.”

Jeremy Berkley said it was the focus on application that made the training a winner for him.

“This was application at its best,” he said. “It was no sitting down and talking. You were taking what you were taught and put it into practice.”

Berkley said after the workshop, he walked away with a better understanding of behaviors he needed to change to strengthen his marriage. And he’s already seen how working on those things has improved his relationship.

“I’ve seen some things we would’ve had a disagreement about been put to the side because of some things Bernie said we could do. I’ve seen it impact even us working together as a team,” he said. “You have to learn to work through pressure situations. You have to be able to humble yourself to see that what you’re doing right now is not working. That whole training is a humbling experience to know that there's more work to be done.”

Bernadette Wiggins said that’s the best thing couples can learn from the Bootcamp.

“You just don’t wake up with peace in the house. Marriage is a whole lot of work,” she said. “You're either going to live with peace or chaos. But what are you doing to make that peace?”